Volunteer Blues

So I haven’t been completely forthcoming about my feelings toward my job in Madrid. I believe when I have previously written about the subject, I mentioned it was going well, but frustrating at times because of the language. The occasional frustrations due to the language were accurate, though the part about it going well may need a revision. And it’s not a result of me doing a lousy job or anything, because that is not the case. I just think the job is really boring.

My first few days at the non-profit Aculco, I created lesson plans that were to promote diversity in schools. These plans are supposedly going to be added to a folder with other lesson plans that their staff uses when going to local schools. I was fine with that first project, except for two things. One, I had to be glued to the computer for five hours straight to accomplish it. Two, everyone else in the company was also glued to their computer, so I really had minimal interactions during the day. After about a week of this, and a few other projects (ex. “Write a paper on how you promote diversity in your school” “Research the most effective ways to promote diversity in school”), I was beginning to struggle a bit.

My thoughts were conflicted. I felt I was there to help out a non-profit organization, but was not enjoying what I was doing to help. In truth, the work I was doing didn’t really seem like it was going to help the organization at all, but instead was something for them to give me to help me fill my day. At weeks end, I decided I better have a chat with my supervisor, Maria, about my feelings. It went well, as I highlighted all the points I just made above. I also mentioned that I would be willing to teach English to any of the immigrants that utilized their facility (Trisha’s teaching has been going splendidly at her organization and inspired me to pursue this direction). Maria was accepting of my feelings of frustration during the first week, and was open to the English instruction idea. Maria also mentioned that they were very happy with my focus, and the work I produced for them the first week. I almost wished she wasn’t happy with my work, as I would have been tempted to drop the whole thing and work somewhere else.

Instead, I created a schedule that left two-three days open for teaching and two days in the office. That was the schedule I worked in this past week, and things were less tedious, though my class hasn’t started yet. And that is my current problem. Maria was gone all last week in Columbia, so I spent the majority of the week working on preparing lessons to teach. I learned at the end of the week unfortunately, that it may take another week to contact people who may be interested in taking the class. I was under the assumption that the class would be ready to go this week, as Trisha’s classes were ready the second day of her arrival. So now I am faced with another week in their office, sitting at the computer, filling my time with work that I don’t enjoy and doesn’t seem to really be benefiting the organization. The only thing keeping me from jumping ship, is the possibility of teaching Latin American immigrants English. It’s sad because if I wait another week to teach, I will really only have 3 weeks left and that won’t be enough time to accomplish anything with second language learners.

So basically, I continue to be conflicted. I am a volunteer, but feel like an employee as I hesitate be late or wiggle out of the time initially set by my program. I want to help people learn, but scorn the idea of sitting at a desk with no one to talk to. I want to work this year, but don’t want to do something that I’m not enjoying. I want to start over or work in Trisha’s organization, but don’t want to let these people down and brush off responsibility. I have to remind myself when I feel this conflict that I am just a volunteer, and I have just come off working very hard in the same profession for the last 10 years and don’t have to persevere at a job for the stake of preserving.

In conclusion, we’ll see what happens this week. My plan is to make more progress on preparing my lessons tomorrow, and hopefully begin teaching by Thursday. I am also working on obtaining students for private English lessons in Madrid, so that may help too. Perhaps when I begin to actually interact more at work, the volunteer blues will go away.